One-on-One Meetings: The Ultimate Guide for Leaders

As a manager or leader, your role isn’t just to see projects through to completion. You’re also tasked with engaging employees, guiding their careers, and fostering relationships built on trust. The place to do all of that is in your one-on-one meetings.

One-on-one meetings are when you’ll need every skill in your management toolkit. You’ll be both a mentor and a problem solver, ensuring your direct reports feel supported, appreciated, and ready to tackle their next challenge.

To be efficient, one-on-ones require planning — and we can help with that part. Fellow facilitates thousands of one-on-one meetings, providing the tools to ensure these meetings are consistent, productive, and build upon past conversations. We know one-on-ones inside and out, and this is your guide to building rapport and techniques that will keep your direct reports doing their best work.

We’ll cover:

1. What on one-on-ones are — and aren’t
2. The benefits of one-on-one meetings
3. How often you should have one-on-ones
4. Tips for one-on-ones in a hybrid world
5. How to prepare for a one-on-one
6. The best one-on-one meeting templates
7. How to conduct a successful one-on-one
8. How to follow-up after
9. Common challenges
10. Tool and resources
11. The pros and cons of AI for one-on-ones
12. Examples of how leaders tackle their one-on-ones
13. One-on-one trends in 2024

Let’s dive in.

What are one-on-one meetings?

One-on-ones — also called 1on1s or 1:1s — are the time to develop a relationship between yourself as a manager and your direct report by meeting alone. Employee engagement is key to employee happiness and retention, and this is exactly when you’ll work on that.

These meetings aren’t simply a checklist of tasks, or an update on whether a project is done or not. Those are topics that can be covered in team meetings or stand-ups. Rather, a one-on-one is a space to talk about the why and how of your direct report’s role. It’s a dedicated block of time to dig deep into your report’s’ state of mind and well-being as an employee and team member.

It’s also a space for honesty and building trust. As Kim Scott, a former leader at YouTube, Google, and Apple argues in the book Radical Candor, the most important thing managers can do to build a culture of trust is meet with each of their reports on a regular basis.

“Holding regular 1:1s in which your direct report sets the agenda and you ask questions is a good way to begin building trust,” says Scott. “1:1s are your must-do meetings, your single best opportunity to listen, really listen, to the people on your team to make sure you understand their perspective on what’s working and what’s not working.”

Listen to Kim Scott on Fellow’s Supermanagers podcast:

1. Kim Scott on How to Get Sh*t Done Fast and Fair in the Workplace
2. Kim Scott on Addressing Bias, Prejudice, and Bullying 

What are the benefits of one-on-one meetings?

A great leader or manager knows the importance of meeting frequently with their reports and the potential of one-on-one meetings to empower teammates to do their best work.

Too often, one-on-ones are recurring meetings with little thought given to them, scheduled because they have to be. But at their best, they have many benefits for both managers and team members.

2.1 Boost employee productivity

Team meetings aren’t the only way to improve the output of your team members. One-on-ones are a wonderful opportunity to get into the nitty-gritty of an individual employee’s performance and projects.

Even seasoned employees may struggle with deciding how to optimize their time and provide the best return on investment. In a one-on-one, you can set priorities and align on the best path forward.

As a manager, one-on-ones can boost your productivity, too. Knowing there’s a one-on-one coming up means your reports can save their questions and concerns for this allocated time. As well, aligning with your reports also dictates how to spend your time, as well.

“One of the first things that happens when you start doing one-on-ones is you notice you start getting less questions during the week,” says Mark Horstman, on the Managers Tools podcast. “Things aren’t quieter… People just aren’t coming to you with hundreds of small questions because they know they can wait until the one-on-one.”

Listen to Mark Hostman on Fellow’s Supermanagers podcast: Efficient One-on-Ones and Diligent Hiring: How to Become a Trustworthy Manager.

2.2 Foster positive relationships and engagement

Building a working relationship with your reports happens over time. If you’re only meeting once or twice a year for formal performance reviews, you can’t build the rapport that fosters trust and accountability.

Meeting frequently builds that trust muscle and allows managers and employees to understand how each other works and communicates. This is why companies like Deloitte, Adobe, Microsoft, and IBM replaced annual reviews with frequent check-ins.

Studies show that this is the right approach if companies want to boost employee engagement and retention. For instance, Gallup’s State of the American Manager report says that employees who meet regularly with their managers are almost three times as likely to be engaged in their jobs as employees who don’t.

2.3 Discover and address challenges

Regular one-on-ones are the forum to identify and solve any issues that have arisen for your report. That could be confusion around an assignment, filling in knowledge gaps, or even interpersonal issues with other team members. Address those issues head-on and work with your report to find solutions.

The key here is that you can only have this benefit if you meet regularly. Otherwise, you may hear about the problem too late and by that time it’s grown from something easily solvable into something much more complex.

As Andy Grove, author of High Output Management, puts it, one-on-ones “should cover anything important that has happened since the last meeting: current hiring problems, people problems in general, and — very, very important — potential problems. Even when a problem isn’t tangible, even if it’s only an intuition that something’s wrong.”

2.4 Exchange feedback

One-on-ones are when you can give your report direct, constructive feedback to help them perform at their best. 

However, this feedback should go both ways for managers and employees. A great one-on-one also leaves room for your report to provide feedback on your management style, thoughts on the company in general, and how the team is running.

Tips for one-on-ones in a hybrid world

We’ve seen a major shift to organizations becoming increasingly hybrid or remote. That means that while nearly all of our meetings were once held in-person, these days it’s likely that some — or even all — of your one-on-one meetings are held via video conferencing.

Making the switch to remote one-on-ones can be challenging, so here are some tips to ensure a smooth call, even when you’re not in-person.

3.1 Seek out a private space

You wouldn’t hold a one-on-one in the middle of a busy office, and the same philosophy applies even for a remote call.

Ensure the privacy of your conversation by finding a quiet, unoccupied room. At home, that means not having your family or other people in the background. If you’re in an office or shared workspace, find a private room and make sure to use headphones. One-on-ones often involve sensitive conversations, so protect you and your report’s privacy.

3.2 Reduce distractions and engage fully

If you were meeting in-person, it would be rude to look at your phone or fiddle with something, and that’s true for remote one-on-ones as well. Put your phone on silent, turn it off, or place it away from you face down. Resist the urge to check other tabs, write emails, or answer Slack messages. That also means making sure kids or pets don’t interrupt the call. Direct your full attention to your meeting.

3.3 Don’t skip the small talk

When you meet with someone in-person, it’s normal to take a moment to check in on their day and have a casual conversation. Remote meetings can feel more formal, but don’t rush into your agenda the moment you sign on. Starting off with some small talk is a great icebreaker to get everyone feeling comfortable and build rapport with your report.

3.4 Maintain your professional standards

This is a good tip for any remote meeting, but don’t let yourself forget you’re at work, even if you’re working from home. That means wearing clothing that adheres to your company’s work culture, having good lighting, and placing the camera at a good angle. This shows your team member that you take your time together seriously and that you’ve arrived ready to be productive.

How often should you have one-on-ones?

The bottom line is the ideal frequency for one-on-ones with direct reports is every week, or a longer session every two weeks.

Many business leaders agree this is the right approach:

• “I recommend no less than a weekly 1:1 with every report for thirty minutes, and more time if needed.”

 — Julie Zhuo, author of The Making of a Manager

• “I like to meet with each person who works directly for me for fifty minutes a week.”

 — Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor

• “You should meet for thirty minutes every single week, no matter what, with every single direct report. One-on-ones are weekly deposits to your relationship bank account.” 

— Michael Auzenne and Mark Horstman, Manager Tools podcast

• “You should have one-on-ones frequently (for example, once a week) with a subordinate who is inexperienced in a specific situation and less frequently (perhaps once every few weeks) with an experienced veteran.” 

— Andy Grove, author of High Output Management

• “My recommendation would be weekly or every two weeks, depending on the kind of work and how often you interact with them in other ways.” 

— Camille Fournier, author of The Manager’s Path

You may be asking — why not quarterly or monthly? The reason this isn’t the best approach is that neither option is frequent enough to keep up with how much happens in your report’s work life. At a quarterly or monthly cadence, you can’t keep on top of issues that arrive. You also can’t provide timely feedback and praise for projects.

If you meet with an employee for 30 minutes each month, you’re only spending six hours per year with them – that’s clearly not enough time to develop a great relationship.

In terms of duration, we recommend either 30 minutes every week, or one hour every two weeks.

There are exceptions, though. This schedule makes the most sense for reports you manage directly. You may set up recurring meetings with your manager’s manager, or your report’s report to check in — these don’t need to be as frequent and be scheduled depending on your needs.

Before the meeting: How do you prepare for a one-on-one meeting?

We’ve broken down one-on-one meeting preparation into three steps.

5.1 Review past meeting recordings and notes

Start by reviewing your last one-on-one with your direct report. 

Some items to note:

• What projects has your report been working on?
• What challenges did they have last time? Did any solutions you talked about prove successful?
• Is there a specific piece of feedback you gave to follow up on?
• Have the action items from the last one-to-one meeting been completed?

You should have a collaborative document to record notes from each one-on-one. With Fellow, you’ll have a shared meeting note as well as an AI summary and transcription, along with a recording.

5.2 Collaborate on a meeting agenda

Both the employee and you should contribute to a meeting agenda before each one-on-one.

It’s important that this agenda is collaborative, both of you should add questions and talking points to address. Writing this ahead of time ensures that all necessary points are covered and given enough time. Being collaborative also means it’s a two-way meeting, with both attendees getting to address concerns, wins, or ideas.

With Fellow, an agenda is created as soon as the meeting is scheduled. Throughout the week leading up to the one-on-one meeting, you can open the agenda and jot down any questions or thoughts that arise, and your report can do the same.

Having this agenda set in advance means both of you can be fully prepared to discuss topics with no surprises.

5.3 Get in the right mindset

One-on-one meetings are unique and require a different approach than something like a SCRUM update or team meeting.

It’s important to arrive with an open attitude and mind. Your report knows this is their chance to be heard one-on-one and that time is very valuable to them. A one-on-one can also cover a range of topics that can be difficult or emotional, such as a venting session. Whatever your report needs to cover, you’re providing structured space for that to happen.

Aim to walk away from each one-on-one having learned something new about your report. Don’t just check items off a list — get ready to connect.

Three effective one-on-one meeting templates

We’ve selected three one-on-one meeting agenda templates you can choose from to guide your next one-on-one.

They cover several different styles of one-on-one meetings and include:

• The chronological format
• The G.O.O.D. format
• The 90/10 format

These are trusted, research-based one-on-one templates you can try out with your direct reports.

6.1 The chronological one-on-one format

This simple one-on-one meeting format structures your time based on past learnings, present priorities, and future opportunities. This gives you a full perspective of your report’s work.

Here’s how the chronological 1:1 format looks in Fellow:

This format begins by asking about recent wins and learnings, typically from the past week. Kelly Riggs, a leadership coach and author of the book 1-on-1 Management, argues that you should always start your one-on-one by asking your reports about their most recent challenges.

“My one-on-one meetings for 30 years have started with one very simple phrase: Tell me about last week. I know it sounds ridiculously simplistic on the surface, but trust me, there is a lot behind the curtain,” says Riggs.

This is also an opportunity to follow up on anything discussed in your last one-on-one. If they were experiencing a challenge, for example, ask how they’ve tackled it in the past week and if they require any more guidance.

Next, move on to the present. What are they currently working on? What can you do to help them achieve this week’s priorities?

Finally, look towards the future. What are their long-term career goals? Is there an upcoming project causing anxiety? What resources can you provide to help?

6.2 The G.O.O.D. format

The G.O.O.D. one-on-one meeting format follows a simple formula that covers:

1. Goals
2. Obstacles
3. Opportunities
4. Decisions

Here’s how the G.O.O.D. one-on-one meeting format looks in Fellow: 

Let’s take a closer look at each section.

The goals section is for discussing both short and long-term goals. Start with discussing whether they met their goals from your last one-on-one meetings. Then talk about the week ahead — what do they hope to achieve in that time? Lastly, leave space to talk about larger goals, such as where they hope to be in six months’ time.

The obstacles section is for addressing blockers. Is there anything preventing them from reaching their goals? How can you help them find solutions?

The opportunities section is a chance to discuss wins and what makes your report proud. It’s also a time to talk about career growth, how they feel about the company, and how you can help them achieve their next big move.

Finally, decisions is when you make action items. What are the concrete actions they can put into motion before you meet next?

The G.O.O.D. format gives you a holistic overview of where your team member is at in their journey as an employee and sets expectations for what will be accomplished before you meet again.

6.3 The 90/10 format

This format really underscores that one-on-one meetings are all about your team member and their goals, so it leaves 90% of the time for them to lead the discussion.

Here’s how the 90/10 one-on-one meeting format looks in Fellow:

This is a great format for reports that struggle to talk about themselves, or who you feel have taken a backseat during previous one-on-ones. As they fill in the meeting agenda for this style of one-on-one meeting, they have the opportunity to think more deeply about their own priorities.

In this format, your report fills 90% of the meeting’s talking points, decided into five categories:

1. Highlights
2. Progress
3. Concerns
4. Challenges
5. Questions

The remaining 10% of talking points are the manager’s responsibility, focussing on feedback and solutions that address what your report has said.

Finally, end with action items for your report to complete before your next meeting.

During the meeting: How to conduct a successful one-on-one

Now, let’s talk about how to put your preparation into action and host a successful one-on-one meeting that ends with you and your report on the same page.

We’ll divide this into four sections:

1. Best practices for managers during one-on-one meetings
2. How to encourage honest feedback
3. How to address personal and career development
4. Examples of questions to ask in a one-on-one meeting

7.1 Best practices for managers during one-on-one meetings

Here are some best practices to keep in mind while leading a one-on-one meeting for maximum employee engagement, starting with your first one-on-one.

Practice active listening

It’s vital that you participate fully in your conversations with your team members. This shows them that you’re fully engaged in not only what they’re saying, but in their success at your company. It’s your job to quiet distractions, fully focus, and actively listen during your one-on-ones.

The first step is to use international body language that shows you’re paying attention. In a remote meeting, eye contact is more difficult to maintain. You can address this by shifting your gaze between your report’s face and the camera. Also indicate you’re listening by nodding your head and occasional “mmhmm” sounds. Sit attentively, rather than slouching. It’s okay to look down or away to take notes, but remember to refocus your attention afterward.

Remove distractions

It’s also important to eliminate distractions. If you’re constantly looking away, checking your phone, or writing emails, this shows your team members that you’re disinterested in what they’re saying. It comes off as rude and will leave your report feeling that you don’t care about what they’re saying.

Check your ego

Don’t make the meeting about you. Yes — it’s important to have a section for your report to communicate what they need from you, but avoid chiming in with your own experiences unless it’s truly constructive to the conversation. 

Susan Scott is a workplace communication expert and the author of Fierce Conversations. In the book, she argues that one of the greatest gifts you can give your direct reports is your undivided attention:

“Don’t take the conversations away from the other person and fill the air with your stories,” says Scott. “Leave your expert, storyteller, fixer, fix-it hat at the door. Come into the conversation with empty hands.” 

Ask thoughtful, open questions

Focus on asking follow-up questions and prompting your report to expand on what they’re saying. Rather than asking simple yes or no questions, default to open-ended questions that continue the conversation rather than stifling it.

7.2 How to encourage honest and constructive feedback

While your one-on-one meetings are all about your employee, there should also be room for them to ask you questions as their manager and provide feedback.

This can be difficult for employees because they may be afraid of being too harsh, incurring backlash, or otherwise upsetting their manager. It’s important that you foster an environment that leaves you open to hearing constructive feedback and acting on it.

Intentionally write a section in your meeting agenda with specific questions for your report to answer about you, such as:

• What do you like about my management style?
• What would you improve about my management style?
• Am I providing enough feedback? Too much?
• How can I better support and motivate you?

Ron Carucci is co-founder and Managing Partner at Navalent and works with executives pursuing change. In Harvard Business Review, he wrote that it’s important for leaders to know their own triggers. For example, some people may start to ramble when they get anxious, or act defensively when facing even constructive criticism. A good leader is aware of these triggers and actively counteracts them.

“Whatever they are, self-aware leaders know their triggers, and let others name them,” writes Carucci.

7.3 How to address personal and professional development

As we said earlier, one-on-ones shouldn’t just be reviewing a checklist of tasks. Studies show that 82% of employees would feel more engaged at work if their manager showed greater interest in their career progression.

These discussions can be touched on at every one-on-one, or incorporated into them periodically, like once per month.

Ask your report where they hope to take their career within your organization. What position would they like to have next? What do they need to learn or experience to get them there? How can you connect them to career-building resources?

These conversations build trust and rapport and support your team member’s success at your organization. Help them identify both their strengths and their knowledge gaps to help them continue succeeding. 

7.4. Examples of questions to ask in a one-on-one meeting

Here are some one-on-one meeting questions meant to spark conversations and cover every aspect of a successful one-on-one meeting.

Questions to get to know your employees and set expectations

• What are your expectations for this role? What does success look like?
• What makes one-on-ones the most valuable for you?
• What’s your preferred method of communication?
• Are there things that always put you in a bad mood that I should be aware of?
• Do you like to be praised in public or in private?

Questions to check in weekly or bi-weekly with your direct report

• What’s top of mind? What are some things you’d like to discuss?
• What did you get up to last week that I might not know about?
• What are some things that went well last week?
• Is there anything you weren’t very happy about?
• What will your priorities be until the next time we meet?

Questions to help your team member organize their priorities and boost productivity

• What are your top priorities right now? What can I do to help you with them?
• What percentage of your time do you spend in meetings vs. doing deep work?
• How do you like to organize your day/plan out your week?
• What are the biggest time wasters for you each day/each week?
• How do you know that you’ve had a productive day?

Questions to address roadblocks and concerns

• What are some recent challenges you’ve faced? How can we work them out?
• Is there anything right now that is slowing you down or blocking you?
• Is any part of your job unclear or confusing?
• Are there any obstacles that prevent you from doing your best (obstacles at work, or if you want to talk about it, personal)?
• When have you felt stressed or overwhelmed in the past month? What can I do to prevent that?

Questions to ensure that your employees are engaged and happy at work

• What motivates you to come to work each day?
• What’s something I could do to make your work more enjoyable?
• Do you feel that your work is appreciated?
• Is there any aspect of your job that you don’t like/enjoy?
• How does your work compare to your expectations when first starting here?

Questions to get feedback from your employees

• What’s something I should consider changing or start doing?
• Would you like more or less direction from me?
• Do you feel like I acknowledge/recognize the positive work that you do
• What’s your favorite thing I do as a manager?
• Is there something I’m doing that I could delegate to someone on the team?

Questions about giving feedback

• What type of feedback is most valuable for you?
• Do I give you enough feedback?
• Do you prefer to get feedback in writing so you have time to digest it or are you comfortable with less formal verbal feedback?
• Is there an area/project/skill where you’d like to get more feedback?
• What is the best piece of feedback you’ve gotten from a supervisor or peer?

Questions about career development

• Do you feel that you’re advancing in your career?
• In the future, do you see yourself as an individual contributor or in management?
• What do you want the pinnacle of your career to look like?
• What are some things you can start doing (e.g. in the next 18 months) to work towards that goal?
• What work are you doing here that is most in line with your long term goals?

Questions about team dynamics and culture

• What’s something we could do to improve team dynamics?
• Do you feel comfortable giving constructive feedback to your peers?
• What are some aspects of our team culture that we should change/work on?
• Do you think our team activities are inclusive? What can we do to make them more inclusive?
• What’s something we can/should start doing as team members?

After the meeting: Follow-up actions after your one-on-one meeting

An efficient one-on-one meeting doesn’t stop when the call ends — its success also relies on how you follow up on what was decided and discussed.

Here, we’ll go over three crucial steps to ensure smooth follow-up after your one-on-one meeting.

8.1 Document key takeaways and action items

Throughout the meeting you should be writing down action items for both managers and employees, or using an AI note taker to care of it for you. When the meeting is over, review those items and add any that were missed.

Action items are crucial because that is what makes one-on-ones useful — generating a list of tasks to complete to propel you both forward into the next week. Without action items, a one-on-one meeting is just a discussion of current project updates, which could be done just as well asynchronously via email or Slack.

But how do you write a proper action item? The key is to make them specific and concrete. Take a look at these two examples:

• Sales report.
• Apply feedback to the sales report and send it to everyone on the team by Friday.

The first one isn’t an action item at all — it’s just a label. Reading “Sales report.” doesn’t give any indication about what to do about the sales report.

The second, however, is a proper action item. It provides instructions for a concrete action, in this case applying feedback and sending it out to the team by a certain date. A good rule of thumb is to start each action item with a verb.

Lastly, an action item should be assigned to someone so it’s clear who will do the task. This is how assigned action items look in Fellow:

8.2 Commit to following up

Your one-on-one meetings should be like a spinning flywheel. This means that all your conversations should be interconnected, feed from each other, and flow naturally.

Set your one-on-one meetings to be recurring in advance and connect all your agendas and notes into a central place to ensure nothing gets lost. With Fellow, every meeting flows into the next with action items and notes carried over. This ensures that the ball won’t get dropped and you can address whether previous action items were carried out or not.

Keep the momentum going by setting up a document for your next agenda in advance so that you can add to it continually in the space between meetings. Again, Fellow makes this easy with each meeting in your calendar having an attached agenda that generates as soon as you schedule a meeting.

8.3 Track progress

Again, what matters here is momentum. Both managers and employees should refer back to your previous meeting notes and action items throughout your time apart and check off items as they’re completed.

With Fellow, your personal list of action items is always at the ready to be reviewed and checked off.  As well, with Ask Fellow Copilot, you can always ask questions about your meetings to remember valuable context.

By following these three steps, you’ll find yourself building a healthy one-on-one meeting habit that ensures tasks are completed.

Common one-on-one meeting challenges and how to overcome them

We know that turning your one-on-one meetings into effective growth machines comes with its challenges. As with any other skill or habit, putting the theory into practice isn’t always as easy as it sounds.

There are many obstacles that you won’t be able to anticipate. For instance, having a direct report who doesn’t like one-on-one meetings or the need to have a difficult conversation on the spot.

Some of the obstacles you might face in the process of implementing regular one-on-ones include:

• Employees question the new meeting
• The meeting feels awkward or forced
• The one-on-one turns into a gossip-session
• You feel overwhelmed by too many meetings
• You need to have difficult conversations
• You might not have all the answers (and that’s ok)

If you ever face any of these challenges, don’t worry. You’re not alone! Let’s go through some tips and tricks you can use to overcome them.

9.1 Employees question the new meeting

If your team members have never attended one-on-ones or you have yet to have a meet and greet with a new employee, these meetings might come as a surprise to some of your reports. In order to avoid feelings of uncertainty and confusion, try to explain the outcomes you hope to achieve as clearly and confidently as possible. Send out an email or use a team meeting to explain the value that employees can get from their one-on-ones with you.

9.2 The meeting feels awkward or forced

Not everyone is naturally extroverted and sometimes having a one-on-one can feel awkward. But you can overcome it.

Start with your agenda. If you’ve filled it with thoughtful questions in advance, you’ll have a roadmap for the conversation and avoid lulls. It’s also a smart idea to begin with a casual icebreaker conversation to get comfortable — ask them about their weekend, or an upcoming vacation, or how their pets are doing.

Moments of silence can make people anxious, but don’t rush to fill every gap. It’s not uncommon that people need time to think before replying. If you ask a deep or difficult question, tell your reports it’s ok to take a few seconds if they need to.

9.3 The one-on-one turns into a gossip session

On the flip side, if you and your report have a high comfort level, there’s a risk of a one-on-one slipping into a gossip session and your thoughtful agenda going out the window.

It’s fantastic to have a great rapport with your report and have some discussion about personal matters, or even some venting, but this shouldn’t take over the whole meeting.

If the topic of coworkers comes up, instead of fueling the gossip machine with questions and complaints about other people, coach your direct report on ways they can address the conflict and deliver feedback to their peers.

9.4 You feel overwhelmed by too many meetings

Meeting fatigue is real and can lead to stress, but there are tactics you can take to address it.

First, it’s helpful to use one on one software like Fellow to keep all your meeting agendas, notes, and other details in one place. That will save you from feeling overwhelmed by documentation or needing to open a bunch of tabs or applications to get up to speed. A great practice to put in place is to begin your week by reviewing your upcoming meetings and using your meeting management software to fill in agendas.

Creating an agenda in advance will allow you to make sure everything that needs to be covered gets discussed, eliminating the urge to schedule even more meetings to cover more points.

Finally, if you have many direct reports, and therefore many one-on-ones to tackle, that could be a sign that others on your team are ready to take on a more managerial role and take some of those one-on-ones off your plate.

9.5 You need to have difficult conversations

It would surely be a relief to always have upbeat one-on-ones, but that’s just not realistic. Sometimes you have to have difficult conversations, whether about performance issues, interpersonal issues, or changes at the company.

What’s important to understand is that everyone reacts in their own way when it’s time to discuss challenges.

According to coach Paloma Medina, learning about humans’ core needs at work can help you better understand why people react in different ways during difficult conversations. The six core needs (also quoted in Lara Hogan’s Resilient Management) are: belonging, improvement, choice, equality, predictability, and significance.

“When coaching two people through a conflict, I like to describe this model and ask them which of these core needs (if any) felt relevant to why they reacted the way they did,” says Hogan. “Understanding each other’s core needs can be tremendously helpful in de-escalating that amygdala hijacking and returning to a place of empathy.”

Some tips for difficult conversations include:

• Use “I feel” statements rather than “you are” statements
• Avoid absolutes (e.g. “you never” “You always”).
• Practice the words you need to say and think in advance about your teammate’s potential arguments and reactions.

You can also try this difficult conversation meeting template designed for having potentially difficult one-on-one meetings.

9.6 You might not have all the answers (and that’s ok)

Being a manager doesn’t mean you’re infallible or that you have all the answers. But that’s okay — give yourself some grace.

Rather than trying to have a solution for everything, help your reports to find solutions on their own. Coach them through a brainstorming session and work together until you’re on the same page.

If they ask questions you simply don’t have the answer to, take on the role of connecting them to resources that can help, or create an action item to seek out the answers from your own manager.

One-on-one meeting tools and resources

We’ll take a look at meeting software, further reading, and AI tools that can help level up your one-on-ones.

10.1 Meeting software 

Your tech stack contributes just as much to running smooth one-on-ones as any other part of your job. Here are some one-on-one meeting tools that you can use.

Fellow

Fellow is a purpose-built, all-in-one meeting management solution. It seamlessly connects to your calendar — whether that’s through Google or Office— to schedule meetings.. Each meeting will generate an agenda and a place to take notes, and AI can suggest talking points as well as send a pre-meeting brief With Fellow, you can record decisions, assign action items, and keep track of all your conversations.

When Fellow’s AI Copilot joins your meetings, it automatically records, transcribes, and accurately summarizes your meeting, including noting action items and decisions. After, your recording will be placed in a library where you can control who sees it, including sharing it to company-wide channels. Then, use Ask Copilot to use AI to query your meetings for anything you may have forgitten.

Video conferencing

If you work in a remote or hybrid setting, most of if not all of your one-on-one meetings will be conducted remotely. Set a standard for which video conferencing tool you’ll be using, such as Google Meet, Zoom, or Teams, and stick with it. We always recommend both parties have their camera on at all times so that body language can be part of the conversation.

Slack or Teams

Chat tools like Slack or Microsoft Teams have integrations that can remind both you and your report of upcoming meetings, or keep track of action items.

10.2 Further reading

Here’s a list of books, podcasts, and articles you can read for even more insight into one-on-one meeting best practices.

1. 30 Questions to Ask During Your First 1-on-1 (Fellow)
2. One-on-One With Senior Leadership: 10 Tips For A Good Meeting (Fellow)
3. Radical Candor (Kim Scott)
4. The Making of a Manager (Julie Zhuo)
5. Resilient Management (Lara Hogan)
6. High Output Management (Andy Grove)
7. Reduce interruptions with 1:1 meetings (Dave Crenshaw)
8. State of the American Manager (Gallup)
9. The Manager’s Path (Camille Fournier)
10. What are the advantages of a walking 1:1 meeting? (Avi Arfin) 
11. How to Have Effective 1:1s (Russ Laraway) 
12. One on one (Ben Horowitz)
13. The best leaders are great teachers (Sydney Finkelstein) 
14. Managers Tools podcast (Michael Auzenne and Mark Horstman)
15. The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook (Peter Senge)
16. Fierce Conversations (Susan Scott)
17. Three ways leaders can listen with more empathy (Christine M. Riordan)
18. The right way to end a meeting (Paul Axtell)
19. 7 ways to write better action items (Charlie Gilkey) 
20. 3 reasons why performance development wins in the workplace (Bryant Ott)
21. The problem with career conversations today (Russ Laraway)
22. First, Break All The Rules (Marcus Buckingham)
23. 4 ways to get honest, critical feedback from your employees (Ron Carucci)

10.3 AI tools for meetings

AI technology has grown leaps and bounds over the past few years and AI for meeting management is no exception.

Fellow has introduced our AI Copilot, an AI-powered meeting assistant. When Copilot attends a meeting, it automatically records, transcribes, and summarizes every word with human-level accuracy. It’s also able to understand and make note of action items and decisions.

After the meeting, you can use Ask Copilot to ask questions about the meeting, rather than searching through the transcription manually.

With Copilot, you’ll always have a thorough record of every meeting so you’ll never lose important context or decisions again.

Should I use AI to record my one-on-one meetings?

There are both pros and cons when it comes to recording one-on-one meetings. The key is to balance privacy concerns with the benefits of having records of meetings you can refer back to.

Pros of recording one-on-one meetings

Recording one-on-ones creates a library of meetings that you can refer back to at any time. That means you can easily recall what’s already been discussed, what projects to check in on, and any career goals your report has.

When you record meetings with Fellow, you can also use Ask Copilot anything you need to about past meetings. If you forget a particular point or decision, Copilot can find it for you.

Overall, the advantage of recording one-on-one meetings is that you’ll always have a searchable, reviewable history of your one-on-ones.

Cons of recording one-on-one meetings

The biggest potential issue with recording a one-on-one meeting is that they’re less private. If you or your report has a serious or sensitive issue to discuss, you may not want to have that call recorded. Likewise, your report may feel hesitant to be fully candid if they know the meeting is being recorded.

To mitigate this, in Fellow, one-on-one recordings are by default only visible to the attendees.

In any case, the best practice is to confirm with your report if they would like the meeting to be recorded, and offer the option to turn off recording for sensitive topics.

Case Studies: Success stories with one-on-one meetings

For further inspiration, these two case studies of Fellow users showcase how effective leaders are running their one-on-one meetings.

12.1 Etienne Talbot, Engineering Manager at Poka

Poka is a performance support software company built for manufacturers to help reduce training costs and improve overall equipment efficiency. As the engineering manager, Etienne Talbot is responsible for front-end development and leads a team of 12 engineers. His challenge was keeping up with the many conversations he had with his reports when he was a new manager.

Talbot found that his method of writing notes with pen and paper was leading to disorganization and dropped items.

“They would see me with my paper notes and stickies, and I remember one of my direct reports said, ‘Yeah… you can be more organized than that.’ You know, I’m his manager, and he wanted us both to work more efficiently!” he says.

With Fellow, Talbot has been able to centralize his meeting notes and stay on top of both his and his reports’ priorities.

When we asked Etienne, “What are you able to do now that you were not able to do before Fellow?” his response was:

Never forget something I need to do. Which I would forget a lot. Or just lose my notes. So Fellow helps me remember what I need to do and when I need to do it. I never have to wonder what was decided in past meetings, and it helps me offer great support to my direct reports.”

12.2 Sarah Mercedes, Senior Sales Manager at HubSpot

HubSpot is a software company known for its focus on helping businesses attract, engage, and delight customers. As the senior sales manager, Sarah Mercedes was struggling to streamline one-on-one meetings in the sales department. She wanted a more efficient and structured approach.

“I wanted a template-based approach to make our meetings with reps more efficient and structured since we tended to cover many of the same topics,” she says.

By using Fellow’s meeting templates, Mercedes has been able to align each one-on-one meeting to a particular report’s needs. As a result, her reps are held accountable in one-on-one meetings. 

“I can assign prep work to my reps, and they can fill it out ahead of time, allowing us to focus on strategy during our meetings. This has saved us time and ensured that we spend our meetings discussing key topics and not just playing catch-up,” she says.

One-on-one meeting trends in 2024

The way we work and meet experiences trends, just as any other part of our jobs. When it comes to one-on-one meetings, different leaders have talked about trying new methods in 2024. We also have data that shows which teams spend the most time in one-on-ones.

13.1 Eliminating scheduled one-on-ones

For C-suite leaders with many reports, one-on-ones can quickly fill up a calendar. That’s why some leaders are rethinking how they’re scheduled.

In June 2024, it was reported that Nvidia’s CEO, Jensen Huang, no longer schedules one-on-ones with his many reports. Rather, he makes himself available if team members want to schedule a time with him.

“Then I’ll drop everything for them,” he said.

By doing this, Huang isn’t communicating that one-on-ones aren’t important, but is simply leaving it up to his reports to know when it’s best to have a meeting. He also noted they’re able to achieve this with frequent, but less formal, communication throughout the week. He’s even done away with formal performance reviews, saying instead that he gives reports “​​constant reviews and they provide the same to me.”

13.2 Three-on-one and two-on-one meetings

To reduce overall meeting load, some leaders are experimenting with expanding one-on-one meetings to two-on-one or three-on-one meetings. Essentially, adding another team member or two to the call. Sort of like a smaller, more focussed team meeting.

The advantage of this is that you can cover more reports in one call, as well as give them the opportunity to collaborate to tackle problems. The downside is that extra people may deter candor, as well as discussion of more sensitive issues.

13.3 Who’s having the most one-on-ones?

In Fellow’s recent State of Meetings 2024 report, we looked at data from over 30,000 organizations to identify meeting trends.

We found that customer success and human resources are having the most one-on-one meetings, representing about 10% of their respective workweeks. For HR, this makes sense, as much of their role is about working closely with employees. For customer success, those one-on-ones could be focussed on coaching.

We also found that the size of a company impacts how many one-on-ones occur. For VP and C-suite leaders, scaling up the organization also means scaling up the number of one-on-ones, with leaders at companies with 1,000 or more employees having the most one-on-ones.

One-on-one meeting FAQ

What do you talk about in a one-on-one meeting?

One-on-ones can cover a range of topics, but here are some points that are important to cover:

• Employee morale
• Current challenges
• Career ambitions
• Strengths and wins
• Project check-ins
• Action items for the week ahead

How to have an effective one-on-one meeting?

The most important step for an effective one-on-one meeting is to create a collaborative meeting agenda ahead of time. Both the manager and the employee should contribute to this agenda and ensure all necessary points are covered so both parties can prepare.

What is the end goal of a one-on-one meeting?

At the end of a one-on-one meeting, you should have achieved whatever goals you set out when you prepared for the meeting. That should include feedback being given, wins being celebrated, challenges being addressed, and action items being noted.

How often should one-on-one meetings be?

It’s recommended to have a 30-minute one-on-one meeting each week, or a one-hour one-on-one meeting biweekly.

Conclusion: Effective one-on-one meetings are all about preparation and follow-up

As you can see in this guide, there’s an art to one-on-one meetings and what happens during the actual meeting is only one part of it.

We hope you’ll take away from this guide that how you prepare for one-on-one meetings is vital, including setting an agenda, reviewing past meetings, and choosing a meeting template.

As well, after the meeting you need to keep the momentum going by having action items, planning recurring meetings, and checking in with your report.

If you consistently hold well-planned one-on-one meetings, you’ll quickly build a stronger relationship with your reports, increase productivity, and build a more cohesive team.